Child support with 50/50 shared

My ex and I have 50/50 shared. we did this for a couple of years until he found someone he later married. I just figured it was best to let my boy stay with them so he could get used to his stepmom and I would get him every other weekend. That was 5 years ago and he is 16 now. Anyways he wasn't following his stepmoms rules and got in a little bit of trouble so they sent him to a youth academy. I signed the papers but I didn't go see him off because I didn't agree with it. All kids lie and will steal until they grow up. He didnt do to good in the school so he came home. Now after borrowing my computer and taking it to their house they sent him to live with me claiming we have different rules. But they aren't sending money to feed him. I know I didnt pay anything when they kept him for 5 years but she makes more money then I do. I want to take them to court for child support but I need to make sure they can't come back on me for the 5 years he lived with them.
He is a sweet little boy and I dont mind keeping him now but I need some financial help. Can they come back on me for those 5 yesrs? Also can 50/50 be changed to 50/50 with child support to me?

ZachysMom

[My life has been crazier than a work of fiction.....who'da believed?]

They don't look at the stepmom's income, only the dad and mom's. You would only receive child support with 50/50 if your ex (not his wife) made significantly more money than you.

3kidsmom

... I know I didn't pay anything when they kept him for 5 years but she makes more money then I do...

Wow, so you were a deadbeat for 5 years and now suddenly you want money?  That just takes the cake.  I feel sorry for your son for the poor example you are setting for him.

I wish they were able to come back on you for those 5 years, but child support orders are only retroactive to the date of filing.

Nicholas James

... I know I didn't pay anything when they kept him for 5 years but she makes more money then I do...

Wow, so you were a deadbeat for 5 years and now suddenly you want money?  That just takes the cake.  I feel sorry for your son for the poor example you are setting for him.

I wish they were able to come back on you for those 5 years, but child support orders are only retroactive to the date of filing.

I wasn't a deadbeat mom. I was trying to let my son form a relationship with his new stepmom. That didn't work out to good because she had strict rules that he didn't like so they dropped him off at my house. That makes them deadbeat in my book. Besides I was working on my own life to make a better life for him. Anyways he is happy here. He has room to breathe and not get his games and tv taken away for a D in Math. He is a normal kid and they all do that. He does have some problems but with child support I can get the help he needs and afford to feed him. He does make much more money then me so he needs to take responsibility. My car barely makes it to take him to school and pick him up everyday.

ZachysMom

[My life has been crazier than a work of fiction.....who'da believed?]

Your chlld legally has a right to financial support from both parents. This means that he had a legal right to get support from you while he was with his father.

You have allowed a dynamic where he can refuse to follow a parent's rules and just move on to the next parent. The same thing may happen if you find a rule that you must put in place. As far as taking away his games and TV for a D in math, that was a responsible parenting tactic: they were allowing your son to be able to devote more time to his school work, with less distractions. Life is not about video games and television sets.

"Normal" is a relative term, and no, all kids definitely do NOT do that. They TRY to do that, but most parents set limits. Video games and television sets are a reward and a priveledge, not a right. I don't know if you have ever held a job, but people usually find out in their first job or two that if they don't achieve what the boss wants, they don't get the reward of a paycheck. All your son learned was that you would refuse to back up his father, that you put fun above education, and that he can play you.l

3kidsmom

Amazing.  Simply amazing.

I just don't see a judge ruling in her favor if she goes to court.

It reminds me of a case where the mom gave her two boys with ADD to the dad.  He had been refusing to keep them on the medicine for the three - four days that he had them.  When she had them, she was giving them the full prescribed dose - instead of starting back over at the smaller starter doses.  So the kids were getting whipsawed by the medicine.

The mom's solution was to let the dad have the kids full time.  He surrendered after about 3 months.  He realized that the kids really did have ADD and needed their medicine. 

The kids got their medicine and their old schedule back.

How long do you think it will be before this mom capitulates?

Nicholas James

[My life has been crazier than a work of fiction.....who'da believed?]

I know that in many areas, if kids are undisciplined, social services will set up counselling and REQUIRE the parent to participate in parenting classes and counselling. So that is another possibility. The delinquency rate is so high in many areas that permissive parenting is getting to be passe'.

by the way, ZachysMom, we are not evil mean people. We do have a bunch of kids, and have been through the legal wringer. Most of the people here have Been There, Done That, and go to great lengths to try to help others avoid getting in that same place.......

3kidsmom

Your chlld legally has a right to financial support from both parents. This means that he had a legal right to get support from you while he was with his father.

You have allowed a dynamic where he can refuse to follow a parent's rules and just move on to the next parent. The same thing may happen if you find a rule that you must put in place. As far as taking away his games and TV for a D in math, that was a responsible parenting tactic: they were allowing your son to be able to devote more time to his school work, with less distractions. Life is not about video games and television sets.

"Normal" is a relative term, and no, all kids definitely do NOT do that. They TRY to do that, but most parents set limits. Video games and television sets are a reward and a priveledge, not a right. I don't know if you have ever held a job, but people usually find out in their first job or two that if they don't achieve what the boss wants, they don't get the reward of a paycheck. All your son learned was that you would refuse to back up his father, that you put fun above education, and that he can play you.l

It's not my fault he didn't ask for child support. Besides when he got married their income was probably 4 times what mine was.

My son is enjoying his teenager year now. He was always punished for his grades or taking things that belonged to her without her permission. He loses things easily so he lost some of her stuff and they think it is stealing. kids borrow stuff all the time.

I understand what you are saying but he needs to be a kid and go out with his friends.

His stepmom always bought all his uniforms and school supplies. She bought all his clothes because she knew what size to get and she had more time to wait outside waiting rooms since she doesn't have a 8-5 job.

I heard that she saved all her receipts and will sue me for half because she said she didn't have any financial responsibility to my son. Can she sue me for that and what she calls her daycare expenses because she watched him after school and all summer?

1st they threaten they will ammend taxes now this!

ZachysMom

Amazing.  Simply amazing.

I just don't see a judge ruling in her favor if she goes to court.

It reminds me of a case where the mom gave her two boys with ADD to the dad.  He had been refusing to keep them on the medicine for the three - four days that he had them.  When she had them, she was giving them the full prescribed dose - instead of starting back over at the smaller starter doses.  So the kids were getting whipsawed by the medicine.

The mom's solution was to let the dad have the kids full time.  He surrendered after about 3 months.  He realized that the kids really did have ADD and needed their medicine. 

The kids got their medicine and their old schedule back.

How long do you think it will be before this mom capitulates?

How can the judge refuse me child support?

ZachysMom

[YOU]

HE IS NOT REFUSING YOU CHILD SUPPORT.

The s/mom normally couldn't go back and ask for child support from you. She MIGHT be able to take a civil action, but the chances are she wouldn't win.

We keep giving you answers and you come back and ask the same question again, a different way.

YOU are not the one who gets child support, the child gets it and you collect it.

If you and your ex are making roughly the same amount of money, you will not get child support. Your ex's wife's income never enters into this, it is only you, and your ex.

Do you understand that if your son keeps borrowing things, he is probably going to jail?

3kidsmom

... a youth academy. I signed the papers but I didn't go see him off because I didn't agree with it...

I find this comment difficult to understand. 

Tell me again why you didn't go to see your son off?

Clearly you did agree with him being sent to the academy because you did sign the papers.

So why did you not see him off?

That just seems so unparent like.

Nicholas James

[YOU]

HE IS NOT REFUSING YOU CHILD SUPPORT.

The s/mom normally couldn't go back and ask for child support from you. She MIGHT be able to take a civil action, but the chances are she wouldn't win.

We keep giving you answers and you come back and ask the same question again, a different way.

YOU are not the one who gets child support, the child gets it and you collect it.

If you and your ex are making roughly the same amount of money, you will not get child support. Your ex's wife's income never enters into this, it is only you, and your ex.

Do you understand that if your son keeps borrowing things, he is probably going to jail?

Her income has to enter because she bought the new house they live in so he doesn't have a housenote any more.

I don't think he is going to jail. He probably borrowed her things because she was so strict on him. Now he lives with me and has freedom. You would have to know this woman to understand. She is not in the best intrest of my son thats for sure.

ZachysMom

... a youth academy. I signed the papers but I didn't go see him off because I didn't agree with it...

I find this comment difficult to understand. 

Tell me again why you didn't go to see your son off?

Clearly you did agree with him being sent to the academy because you did sign the papers.

So why did you not see him off?

That just seems so unparent like.

I really did not thing he needed to go there but I signed the form because his dad and stepmom seemed determined it was best.

I didn't see him off because they took him on a Thursday and I had already put in for the Friday off to go to Jazzfest. I was so stressed with it I needed to get away and chill  and let him see who wanted him to go to begin with.

I got an ear full about my decision but it is what it is. They were too strict. They want to send him to another boot camp just to take him away from me. I am not a bad parent.

ZachysMom

This is really simple.  If you don't agree with something, you don't sign the form. By signing the form you are agreeing to it.

So did you agree with sending your son off to bootcamp?

So when given a choice between seeing your son off and taking a vacation, you chose what?

So what was 'stressing' you?  Was it your work?

You are probably going to get another earful when you go see the judge.

Do you think that this decision of yours shows responsible parenting on your part?

Please.  What was the real reason they wanted to send their/your child off to boot camp? 

{the one you voluntarily gave up a 50/50 deal with}

Nicholas James

[My life has been crazier than a work of fiction.....who'da believed?]

Her income only enters into it to the extent that it reduces his expenses. Him not needing a housemate any more does not count! If she pays all of the bills, ALL of the bills -- and all he does is by choclates and beer with his money, then they might consider it -- but they would still ONLY consider the part that pays HIS SHARE of the bills.

You are treading a very fine line here. THEY may well ask the judge to consider her income as part of YOUR income. Since you did not pay child support, her income reduced YOUR bills significantly.

This is a case of the more fussing you do the more likely it is to bite you in the butt later.

Going to boot camp will NOT hurt your child. Keeping him FROM bootcamp might, especially if he is sitting around playing video games and taking other people's stuff.

edit: regarding best interest of the child, the courts look at who pays the bills, what they are teaching the child morally, who takes physical care of them, and a number of similiar things. It is NOT where the c hild is happiest.

3kidsmom