Giving minors alcohol and drugs

I have a daughter that just turned 15.  I was allowing her to visit with family members on her dads side of the family.  Her dad was estranged from her and I thought it was a way that she could still feel like she had family on that side of the family.  Although I knew her family members smoked marijuana, I still allowed her to visit and just made it very clear that she was not to be around when they did it.  The assured me that they would never allow that to happen.  After several time of her going to visit, my daughter started wanting to go over there all the time, even passing up times that she could be spending with her friends in order to hang out with her aunt and grandma.  It made me nervous and I thought something other than UNO was going on so after prodding and snooping I uncovered that the grandmother was buying her daiquiris when she went over there so I discontinued the visits immediately but tried not to make a big issue over the fact that she wasn't going there anymore.  Made up excuses like she was busy and we had plans.  Tonight, however, my husband;my daughter's step dad; finally laid down the rule that she was not going there anymore and they have blown up, called her biological father and  made allegations of abuse in my home.  Even going as far as to tell him to call OCS to have me investigated and all kinds of garbage.  After stressing to my daughter the importance of being truthful and honest and no matter what as long as we tell the truth, we can get through whatever is going on, she confessed to me that not only were they allowing her to have daquiris, but had actually bought her vodka to drink and was drunk on several occasions and also allowed her to smoke marijuana with them on atleast three different occasions.  She was 14 years old at the time.  My question is I guess, is there anything that I can do?  First of all, because they gave my underaged child drugs and alcohol and secondly, to protect myself from false allegations?  How do you prove that something did not happen?  I have seen what OCS can do just on an allegation and the chaos and turmoil it creates even when the allegations are unfounded.  I am just sick over this.  Any advice or help will be appreciated.

faereygrl

Well, several criminal offenses have taken place. Are you willing to have your daughter sign a complaint and testify?

How serious are the threats to have your home investigated? How bad will it look to wait until they complain before filing your own complaint? There is no easy answer to this.

If you do decide, on your daughter's behalf since she is a minor, to file criminal charges, you might also add that they threatened you with claims of abuse when they were confronted. In some situations, taking the offense is the best defense. However, this is not really a legal question. It goes just as much to family dynamics and trying to decide the best course for your daughter.

lex

[My life has been crazier than a work of fiction.....who'da believed?]

My ex and his wife allowed my daughters extensive amounts of alcohol from the time they were ten on....and I was told by the police and the judge both that the law allows parents to decide whether or not the child can have alcohol "in the family home".

We've had others on here with who've had the ex and his family smoking pot around the kids and they've been told that it is 'just a difference in parenting styles'.

You may or may not be able to get satisfaction from the police and the courts. If you are absolutely certain you're going to pursue this, i'd get a good private investigator and GET PROOF that will stand up in court. too many times the kid's word is ignored because they might have been influenced by the parties. Good luck!

3kidsmom

thank you both for you input in this.  After careful consideration and trying to repair the mental and emotional damage (more involved than just the illegal aspects listed here), I decided to file a report with the Sheriff's office and let them decide what needed to be done.  I have not heard one way or the other on anything else.  Now, we are just trying to get her back on the right track and undo the wrong and rebuild.  Once again, thanks so much for the advice.  This board is priceless.

faereygrl

[My life has been crazier than a work of fiction.....who'da believed?]

Most of us here have been 'through the wringer' and sometimes more than once!   The hardest thing is deciding what to pursue, and what to let pass. I think that the route you've chosen is both mature and correct, and sets a great example for your child.

3kidsmom